I Want to Be the Ghost Inside the House

The following is an excerpt of an email sent from Art to Will on 3 January 2012.

Our furnace died last week and we're going to have to throw a lot of money at that.  There do seem to be some free organs out there, but I just haven't been able to follow up much beyond the cursory email.  Some of them are rather big, so chopping might be a good option.  My dad has a lot of tools, so maybe he can help.

I'm a little downcast right now due to wave after wave of school-related stuff with the furnace piled on top.  The band does occupy a lot of my free thoughts, but I feel like I'm having to plow through setback after setback this year.  There are a lot of things I'm grateful for too.  

I'm trying to interpret this all within the band.  

If the band is supposed to reflect our underlying lives, what does this mean...how does this show up?  I was thinking about throwing a hundred or two down on something, but now I'm back to square one (or square zero).

One thought is inside that Nietzschean model, where the formless horror of the Dionysian is somehow glimpsed via the Apollonian stage.  

The point I'm making is that I'm seemingly impoverished in anything related to order, articulation, or concrete expression (an exaggeration, yes, but in the service of truth).  That's the reason this surfeit of fertile imagination has lain feral all these years, never surfacing in any concrete, Apollonian way.  

That, too, could explain why I don't want to be a "load-bearing wall."  I seem relatively incompetent, unhelpful, unresourceful in the "plastic" aspects of this project.  

Perhaps that's why I don't want to be the house; I want to be the ghost inside the house.  Thus, my underlying desire to disappear entirely, to leave the music in the sure hands of Apollo.  I'm not trying to get out of work...I'm just trying to penetrate the mystery of my life through the lens of this project.  

Nonetheless, I am looking forward to Friday!!!